我爸问我，你定了要去什么学校了吗？

　　我说，基本定了，印第安那。

　　他说，那个学校好吗？

　　我说，还不错吧。

　　他说，你怎么知道的？

　　我说，从排名上看还不错。

　　他说，又跟你选南大的时候一样。

　　是啊，当时我就是这么选上南大的。如果你高考的分数和排名到了你除了北大清华以外，可以任意选择学校的时候，你会怎么做呢？我不知道，我就是看着排名，选了南大法学院。我没有任何觉得南大那么不好的意思，我有时候只是在想，不知道当时如果选人大法学院，或者法大法学院，或者北师大中文系，会是怎样的结果呢？当然，我在南大经历了很多，成长了很多，也结识了很多朋友，他们对我的作用比学校对我的作用要大，这些使得我现在对当时的选择不会感到后悔，我只是不知道南大是不是当得上当年全国第三的排名，和我对一个中华人民共和国21世纪的仅次于北大清华的顶级学校的期望值。

　　现在我对选择南大不后悔，因为我经历了足够多的东西，学到了足够多的东西，这些东西不管是不是当得上全国第三，对我来说都已经足够宝贵了。将来，我也不会对选择印第安那后悔，因为美国TOP100的任何一所学校，所能给与我的东西，对我来说都足够多了。不过，排名这个东西，还是像我原来说的一样，大家意淫一下就够了，别太当真吧，这东西没谱的。

　　上面这个排名来自于太平洋大学给我的Admission packege，大家看，很神奇，我们一直认为是TOP100中最后一名的Pacific，这里排到了20名，而且，上面是Miami，下面是Temple，而且，这里根本就没有IUB的事儿。真的很神奇。这份排名让我觉得整个世界真的就像打九球一样，都是幻觉，哈哈。

Actually, I always be wrong, but, this time, it means something. I planned to attend the NCR4 exam last year, and then I registered, and then I bought the book a month ago, and then I started to study, and then I have read too many un-related books and have done many un-related things during the studying period, and then I decided that I must finish the book before the Qingming Festival, and then I found that the day has come, but I have done nothing, and then I have to give up the test, and all them above means that I failed, for one more time.

It does not for the first time that things happen. I have planed to take the NCR3, and I failed in the same way. I have planed to take the HR exam, and I failed in the same way. And, more importantly, I failed the TOEFL exam in the same way. I always give myself too many chances, and too many space for maneuver, which is just the point.

It does not like this years ago, when I have no choice, when I have no options, when I have only one way, and the only thing I can do is bearing it. I have found that I am not a so independent person like I have thought to be. Restricting has disappeared, which have made me not so nervous and pain like the past, however, which also brings me many failures.

I don’t hate freedom, but I must try to control myself. 11 has said that I always could arrange my time well. Yes, I could. And, not only could, I still can. However, I can not do things as my schedule, for that I have indulged myself too much these years. I always think that I am a ‘that’ person, however, I finally find that I am not so ‘that’ in the current period.

Some changes must be happened, for that I have experienced so many failures, which has caused that I can not even face to myself, which is just the reason for I am writing this essay by English.

So on, and so forth. It’s enough. Oh, God bless me.